Happy Mother's Day & The Reasons Why I Hate It.
Posted on May 05 2022
I hate Mother's Day. There I said it. I've never felt like I was allowed to say something so harsh, especially about a topic that brings so many people so much joy. But after rebuilding my life with only the people I want in it post divorce, I say pretty much anything these days. Now that there isn't a family member whispering that I'm ruining a family name by sharing my life on the internet I am free to share my unedited thoughts and opinions. So let me say it again just because I can. I. HATE. MOTHER'S. DAY.
Let's start by stating the obvious, I love my children fiercely. I am so incredibly grateful God picked me to be their momma. I can see the way God weaved such a beautiful story together designing every detail to work together in the most perfect way. Why else would I have quit fashion merchandising (my dream major since I was 7 years old) to pursue an elementary education degree? Only God could know I would need that exact knowledge to fight for what my kiddo is legally entitled to in IEP meetings. I would write forever on the ways God prepared me to be exactly the momma The Trifecta needed but for now, just know I adore my children.
My mother is sick. She has been for a long time. She struggles with addiction. While she has occasionally been sober for brief periods of time, she has spent most of my life as an addict. One week after my 10th birthday I was taken away from my mother. I was sent to live with my father & step mother while my half sister was sent to live with her grandparents. She was 2 years old at the time and being separated from her was quite possibly the hardest thing I've gone through. Maybe I wasn't her momma on paper, but at just barely 10 years old I was her caretaker. I grieved like I had lost my own child.
Now as a mother of a 7, 6, and 5 year old Mother's Day is even harder. Gone are the days I could just stay in bed and pretend the whole day wasn't happening. They "get" Mother's Day now, they understand it. They are precious and dear and want to make they whole day special. They bring me coffee in bed because they know this is absolutely my favorite treat. They will run me a bubble bath and bring me my kindle because they know this is how I rest my soul at the end of a long day. They will give the most thoughtful handmade gifts that a teacher helped them create at school. Watching them beam with pride as they tell me about planting the flower or making the handprint is just the sweetest. But even with all that sweetness, deep down I will still be sad. I will mourn that my mother wasn't there when I gave birth. I will mourn not having someone to call when I need wisdom. I will mourn there's no one to host thanksgiving dinner. While I will try really hard to celebrate the women who filled in the gaps for me, overall I will mourn.
I will say things are changing, just a little. I’m grateful for the way we now acknowledge that Mother's Day isn't joyful for everyone. This year I'm trying really super hard to focus on what I do have to celebrate. I can celebrate the women who stood in the gap for me and are now standing in the gap for my own children. That's really what it's about, isn't it? To celebrate the people in our lives who give us much love no matter their title.
Happy Mother's Day to mothers who have lost children.
Happy Mother's Day to those who have lost mothers.
Happy Mother's Day to those with strained mother relationships.
Happy Mother's Day to those with strained child relationships.
Happy Mother's Day to those who have chosen not to be mothers.
Happy Mother's Day to those yearning to be mothers.
Happy Mother's Day to the step moms.
Happy Mother's Day to the bonus moms.
Happy Mother's Day to the grandmothers filling in as mom.
Happy Mother's Day to all of the women who are